The brothers are intimidated by you… – from

“The brothers are intimidated by you”…

Building Men

“The brothers are intimidated by you,” she told me. SubhanAllah. This is not the first time I’ve heard that. “Why?” I inquired. She explained, “He [the unnamed, anonymous brother-commentator] said that brothers are intimidated by sisters in leadership positions.”

This is the second year I am the president of our campus Muslim Student Association. Why am I the president? And why for two years in a row?

Let’s check off the reasons:

– My great love of fame [auothobillah]: not quite.

– My passionate desire to lead: guess again.

– No brothers to step up to the plate: you got it!

Brothers are intimidated by me because I am in a position where no brothers would step up to take on?

Allah musta’aan

Another sister tried to comfort me in this plight of brothers not stepping it up, and yet being intimidated by sisters who are put in the position to fully take on trying to carry the Deen of Allah ‘Azza wa Jal on an organizational level.

She told me, “SubhanAllah… we need to change… the brothers to be exact… if they can’t handle you… then imagine them, they couldn’t handle Aisha radiAllahu anha and Khadija radiAllahu anha AT ALL!”

Obviously there is no comparison to this pathetic sinner and the great and noble Ummahatul Mu’mineen, radi Allahu anhuma, but I think her point is clear:

Step up brothers! Our ummah is lacking MEN.

We live in a society which perpetuates boyhood. Just look at the hype over the new release of GTA! Are you seriously playing that game as a young male adult? As a teenage brother who is the future of this ummah?? Are you kidding me?

Our men [and women- why is dressing like Katie Bell so much more beautiful to our sisters than dressing like Fatima radi Allahu anha? We seek Allah’s help and refuge! And we’ll save that topic for later insha’Allah…] are being pumped with the glamorization of pornography, violence and theft, and it’s creating a cycle of boyhood which is leaving sisters who are ready to move forward and ready to take on contributing back to society, as single souls waiting for just ONE brother who show up who is actually a MAN.

What can you, dear brother reader, do about it?

1- Seek Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, and strive to reform yourself. Seriously work to build a relationship with the Qur’an and read it in a language you understand on a daily basis. Can’t you spare only 15 minutes of your day for the Qur’an? Bi’idnillah, let us stop making excuses and start reaping ajr, begin cultivating tazkiyya, and engage consistently in tarbiyya through knowing the Qur’an!

2- Increase your thikr in the morning and in the late afternoon- after ‘asr- (see for duaas the Prophet sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallama would make during those times). Take advantage of what the ultimate man, Rasul Allah, sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did on a daily basis to be like him, sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.

For those who aren’t taking advantage of this yet, just take a look at only two benefits of only two duaas (and there are a ton more subhanAllah!):

حَسْبِيَ اللهُ لَآ إِلَهَ إِلَّا هُوَ عَلَيْهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ وَهُوَ رَبُّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ

Hasbiyallaahu laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa Huwa ‘alayhi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul-’Arshil-’Adheem

Allah is sufficient for me. There is none worthy of worship but Him. I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the Majestic Throne. (Recite seven times in Arabic.)

Allah will grant whoever recites this seven times in the morning or evening whatever he desires from this world or the next.

[Ibn As-Sunni, Abu Dawud]

And also:

رَضِيتُ باللهِ رَبَّاً، وَبِالْإِسْلَامِ دِيناً، وَبِمُحَمَّدٍ صَلَى اللهُ عَلِيهِ وَسَلَّمَ نَبِيَّا

Radheetu billaahi Rabban, wa bil-’Islaami deenan, wa bi-Muhammadin (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallama) Nabiyyan.

I am pleased with Allah as my Lord, with Islam as my religion and with Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) as my Prophet.

(Recite three times in Arabic)

“Allah has promised that anyone who says this three times every morning or evening will be pleased on the Day of Resurrection.” [Ahmed]

4- and take the responsibility of leading this ummah seriously.

There is a reason Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has described you as “…quwamona ‘alan Nisaa” (an Nisaa: 34). And notice: the verse did not say that BOYS are quwamona ‘alan Nisaa. The verse says, “AR RIJAAL…”- MEN.

Learn about what that means and act upon it. Here’s a great resource for you:

But you know what an even greater resource is? The Qur’an itself! So make it your close companion, and may Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala elevate you and make you a modern day Usamah ibn Zayd, Sa’ad ibn Abi Waqqas, Mus’aab ibn Umayr and Muadh ibn Jabal radi Allahu anhum…these companions who took on this message as YOUTH, but carried it as strong men.

Bismillah- go for it!

Obviously the above advice does not pertain specifically to our brothers, but I felt that it would be more beneficial to include some naseeha instead of going off on a rant against brothers and leaving them hanging. And what would inshaAllah benefit me greatly is to hear advice from all of you as to how we can improve our state as an ummah, and how we can go back to following the blessed examples of those men and women who were molded through the greatest teacher, Rasul Allah, sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.

I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala to make all of us a means of benefiting our societies, a means of carrying the responsibility of this heavy message with wisdom and sincerity, and a means of being a blessing wherever we are.

Please forgive me, and alHamdullilah- by Allah’s Mercy- this isn’t a perpetual plague. We’ll be having a brother as our MSA president this upcoming year, inshaAllah.

Wa Allahu ‘alam


wa ‘alaykum as salam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatahu,

Jezakum Allahu khayrin for your responses, they were of great benefit for me alHamdullilah.

Just a note: I think a lot of us missed the point of this article, and it’s probably my fault in not making it clear. My plea was not for brothers to step up and become MSA presidents, it was to step and up and take serious responsibility for this ummah in all realms, not just leadership.

I began with my personal story as having to take on being MSA president two years in a row, and having the brothers being intimidated by that (I still don’t understand this- how you gonna be intimidated by someone who took up what you refused to take on?) to highlight the desperate need for brothers to just STEP UP in general- in the social realm, emotional and psychological realm, family realm [why do we have domestic abuse in our communities?! Is that manly? auothobillah!], etc. And that’s great that brothers don’t want to seek leadership positions, alHamdullilah! But there is a big difference between actively seeking a position, and taking one when you are needed.

I ended mentioning our MSA president being a brother this upcoming year, inshaAllah, in order to show that Alhamdullilah, men are there, and I personally can think of a number of brothers who have really shown amazing deen and character in the way they conduct themselves and the way they step up and take on responsibility, alHamdullilah. but we need a lot more of them. those brothers, in my personal experience, just like such sisters, are scarce. and that’s scary, because we need them enormously.

Of course I agree that we need followers of Khadija radi Allahu anha- may Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala make our sisters like her! ameen! and I specifically mentioned that the discussion of women is another topic because I know it is a needed one.

But here is my concern, and this is what I heard Imam Suhaib say once in a talk [not exactly like this]: Brothers say, “I want an Aisha [radiAllahu anha], I want a Khadija [radiAllahu anha]”, but they do not realize who the HUSBAND of these amazing women were, sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallama.

So brothers, yes, sisters do need to step up as well. It would be great if someone could write an article on how we can do that inshaAllah. But that does not make the reality of our lack of brothers who are willing to take it on- in all aspects where they are needed to be serious and step it up- any less. It’s not fair to fling the responsibility of the lack of men onto the lack of women, as if the problem will just go away or equal out. I know women, amazing sisters with all 4 of the qualities, who are in their late twenties and still can’t find a brother to marry. And they aren’t looking for Super Muslim. They just want a brother who will lead them and be serious about having strong character and deen. This post was not supposed to revolve around marriage, but I’m just mentioning it to point out the reality we face in our communities- sisters who are taking it on and brothers who are chillin, sisters who are trying to move forward, and finding too many brothers who are melting from chillin for so long.

Again, the reminder: If you’re looking for our ummah to be filled with women like Khadija radi Allahu anha, then brothers, you’ve got to start trying to be like the teacher of Khadija radi Allahu anha, the best man, sal Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallama.

Please forgive me, as my intention was not to offend anyone. I was just hoping to highlight a serious problem, and trying to suggest a few small ways which we can work to try and fix these problems through our revamping our connection with Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala through individual efforts.

Please keep me and my family in your dua’, wa Allahu ‘alam

ps- True Virtues, to link this to your blog, just copy and paste the entire thing, including the title, and insha’Allah it should link.

3 Responses to “The brothers are intimidated by you… – from”

  1. altranslators Says:

    Asalamu alaykum,

    May Allah reward this sister for this post.

  2. muslimah Says:


    May Allah reward this sister for this beneficial reminder, and may He guide us all to better emulate the Prophet(Saws) and to please Him. Ameen.

  3. Loga Says:

    asSalaam alaykum wa rahmatullah

    MashaAllah, I hope we all seek ajr in the best of ways. InshaAllah we will all be ajr entrepeneurs, inshaAllah you might find these ideas and stories useful:

    Love to hear your thoughts on it.

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